Dependent.

Oh my goodness! Do you know how many times I have wanted to write a new blog, but couldn't? So much has been going on lately, but for some reason, I STILL can't access my blog on my laptop! Every other computer will let me except my own! Oh well. I'm currently at college. I finished classes earlier today and have been handing out my resume since then. I came back to college because I saw some girls at the bus stop and thought maybe they needed a ride, but they didn't, so I decided to come up to the library and print out a few more resumes. I don't have much to do until later on this evening, so I thought, "What the heck? Might as well write a blog."

Hey if you could please pray for my housemate? She just got surgery and she is really sore. She's currently recovering at home and her parents are in town staying at our place until Saturday to look after her. Her parents are so sweet! Seriously, her dad came up to me yesterday and asked if he could make us all a nice dinner tonight! YUM!

Well, as most of you know, I got in a car accident. Nothing major for my health, just a little sore. Some guy reer-ended me at a stop light. I'm actually taking it in Monday morning to get it fixed. I probably won't get it back for a couple weeks.
:(........Until then, I'll just take the bus to and from college.

Lately I've been able to tell that God is doing so much in me. This is going to be a great semester, and ultimately, second year I think is going to be a turning point in my life. Already I am learning so much, and it's only been about a month or so since college started. As most of you know, I was majoring in Worship and Creative Arts in my first year, and have now made the switch to Pastoral. I fully believe this was the right decision for me -- no doubts, whatsoever! Through this decision, God has started to really take me out of my limited view of myself and even of Him, and has begun to implant vision and purpose into me.

Seems like every day, I have more and more opportunities to learn about God. I got to the point where I seriously questioned if I even knew who He was, and I kind of got tired of going to college. I seem to get down on myself alot when I see my failures. But God has a way of patching me up. He has made me realize that I need to take my eyes off of myself, and start focusing on others. As I began to reach out to the people in my world, I realized that I had the ability to see people's lives changed, because God worked through me. In the past month, I have seen my friend come to know Jesus, and get involved in church. I have seen countless prayers answered as well. I am realizing that I have every capability to make an impact in others' lives, because I have Jesus in my life. When I feel at my weakest, He seriously just comes and works through me, showing me that I am weak without Him.

Dependency --> vulnerable, weak,needy, clingy.
I am coming to realize more and more each day what dependancy is. Those 4 are just some words that I think of when I think of dependancy. In our western society today, we are taught to be "independent"; "Don't rely on anyone else...we all know people let you down!" Well, of course they do...you do it too...we're all just that - people. Fallible, changing, hurting, insecure, struggling people...without Christ. You see, this is what God has shown me: He is not like that. God is not a fallible person, He is not an institution, He is not a politician, He does not belong to a political party, He is not a good concept. He is different. He doesn't let you down. He calls you to think in another light - lose that independence! I know, I know, our society today teaches us all about independence, so sometimes it's hard for us to truly understand dependancy. It means all of the words I described above - vulnerabiltiy, weakness, needy, clingy. They words are seen as negatives, and they are if they pertain to how we act toward people. Often, we act this way in relationships, especially dating, and it's completely normal if you are not dependant on God. When you become completely vulnerable and needy and clingy to Him, you'll find exactly what you're looking for in a relationship - perfect love, perfect satifaction, perfect fulfillment.

I have just started praying, "God, help me fall in love with you."

He has, and is, radically changing everything I thought I knew about Him.