As I began to write this blog, it started off somewhat like this: "About a year ago, I answered some questions for the Dream Center Summer Internship 2007 application." So before I moved on, I once again checked my bio, and it said I wrote it 5/22/07. I was like, "Wow, I think that's pretty close to today. What is today?" (I never know these days. haha) So I looked. It's 5/22/08! Wow, that was a God thing. That may sound weird to say, but for some reason, it just was to me. It was so strange. Most people call that a coincidence, but I don't believe in such a thing. Divine appointments, yes. Coincidences, no.
Anyways, even though this is the answer to one of my bio questions on the application, I think it's necessary to post it, because it's a testimony to how far God's brought me:
7) The past two years I have been going on mission’s trips. I love working with others, and I especially love watching God move in people’s lives. It seems that on mission’s trips God moves in crazy ways! It is so amazing to feel His presence while everyone is on a God-high. But I think the hardest part is coming home. That is the real mission. Home is the battlefield. Everyday we are in spiritual warfare. God uses those amazing experiences with Him on mission’s trips as spiritual boosters to help us with everyday life. When I look back on the mission trips I went on, it gives me hope and encouragement to remember what God did at that time. This year, I was asked by both the Africa and Ecuador teams to go back again with them, but for some reason, I just had no desire to. I felt terrible about it. I thought, “Well maybe I should just go.” I couldn’t imagine a summer that I did not go on a mission trip, so I made up my mind to join the Nicaragua team (The year before, this group of leaders had taken a team to Ecuador, but this year they decided to go to Nicaragua). I felt bad enough about not going back to Africa, especially since one of my friends who had moved there shortly after the trip we went on last year together was going to be there, and I haven’t seen her in forever. I knew without a doubt in my heart though that I was not supposed to go there, so I said no. So now I had been seriously thinking and praying about going to Nicaragua, but my heart was still not there. Then I realized everything I was doing was not for God, but to please others. I felt a responsibility as a worship leader and Christ follower to go on a mission trip – that somehow if I didn’t one year, it would make me less of a Christian. “Whatever!” Yeah, that’s basically what God said to me when two of the leaders from the St. Louis Dream Center came to my school. I know they probably didn’t feel like they made a huge impact on my school because no one really seemed interested, but let me tell you that it was definitely a God thing they came! I had heard of the Dream Center because they are opening up one near where I live sometime soon, but I had no idea about the Accelerate internship. A bubble of joy just burst inside of me while these guys were talking about the Dream Center. I knew it was a sign from the Lord. Along the way I have had a few doubts, and at first it was so surreal to me. I felt led to go, but in the back of my mind satan kept telling me, “Do you really think you will actually sign up for this and raise all the money? You already have too much to think about. You need to get a job over the summer. What about your friends?” (etc., etc.), and so at one point I gave in to his lies. Then, just recently, God was pulling at my heart to go, and so I am finally applying. I know He will work out everything for me back home. I really hope I get accepted because I am a hard worker, and I love showing the love of Christ to others. I have a desire to learn and grow and develop an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I think that not only will the St. Louis Dream Center change my life, but I also think I would be a good addition to the Accelerate internship. I have been praying for Godly friends since I was a little girl, and along the way I have found a few here and there, but people come and go, and many of them are off in college. I think the Dream Center would be a great place to connect with other like-minded people that will encourage me to grow, and likewise. I hope to make friends that I will know for life, along with life-changing memories.
I remember fretting (fun word) over this for such a long time. I remember staying awake at night praying. I remember showering and praying. I remember driving and praying. It was more of a desperation prayer. No, more like an anxious, worried prayer. I "had" to know what I was going to do with my summer. ;)
Looking back, God made all my dreams come true. No really - I found the most amazing friends; the best, most loyal friends I've ever had in my life. Those friends were the ones I've prayed for my entire life. Now, don't get me wrong - there have been other GREAT friends in my life - friends that have encouraged me, been there for me, and helped me grow in my walk with Christ. God put these people in my life for a time and season. The friends I met last summer I truly believe are those lifelong friends. I guess maybe another reason why our relationship is so significant is because the Dream Center was a pivotal turning point in my life. It is where I found God. I had been saved basically my whole life, but I hadn't been in love. Someone can mean alot to you, but that doesn't mean you know them intimately.
It's crazy looking back on what I wrote exactly a year ago. It's like God watched the paper as I wrote, looked into the depths of my heart, and decided to make my dreams come true, just because He loved me. What an awesome God.
I love looking back on things that I have been through. Well, I take that back. Sometimes I hate it. I hate some of the things I've done out of sin. I don't hate myself for sinning, but I do hate my sin. It's a good thing though, because what other emotion is there to feel for something that is rotting?
--->Romans 6:11
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
Back to my point in the last paragraph. Though sometimes it hurts to look back on certain things, I love to occasionally. Not only is it a testimony to others (seriously, God's really used some of my screw-ups for His glory!), it's also a huge encouragement to me for two reasons. One, because I get to see how far God has taken me, and that encourages me to worship Him. Two, because I get to remember what it was like to worry (about what I was going to do before last summer, at least), and then see how God just totally took charge and made it all happen. Looking back on it, the whole situation seems so plain and simple: I was supposed to go to the DC, where God would rock my world and change my life and give me great friends. Before I knew what I was going to do, I was so worried.
As a new season in my life approaches, I have to realize everytime I worry, God is seeing things as if they have already happened. He sees my next three years at Hillsong College like I see my experience at the Dream Center: purposeful, with no reason to worry. I have been through somewhat of the same situation with Hillsong. I wanted to go, then I didn't because I was afraid, and then I decided to just go. I'm realizing more as I get older that sometimes God just wants us to stop weighing out the differences, and thinking about what faith will require us, and just dive in!
Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing , but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
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